how to hang yourself with a measuring tape.

Brand new birkenstocks for sale.

Colour: Patent Pink/Red (more like shocking pink)
Size: 37
Selling at SGD $85

Hello :)

I am super tired. Haven't gotten enough sleep this morning and afternoon. Slept a total of about 4 hours! And I am on my second night. Eeks. Body gonna shut down anytime soon. I feel like I am gonna catch a cold right now. That kind of not-really-of-an-ache ache. Haha, if you know what I mean...

Anyway, things have been going on pretty much alright for me. This year hasn't exactly been a good year with the passing of my both grandmothers. A bit of a shock for me as well, but what to do? It's their time to go. They are now at a better place than motherly earth. And have got a much bigger job to do.

Thing is when my paternal grandmother passed away earlier this year, I was really upset. Couldn't take it. Cried the very first time I heard the news. Cried on the way to see her at the mortuary at TTSH. Cried like shit when I got there. Cried on my way home. Cried to sleep. It was that bad.

Then when my maternal grandmother passed away just recently a couple of weeks back, I wasn't as emotional as before. Maybe I felt that I had to be strong for others. Didn't cry much in front of people. The only time I cried was when I was going to sleep. And at the crematorium.

I don't like crematoriums. It is a sad place. It is a place where I have been to twice in a year. And that place just makes you cry... endlessly until the coffin goes into the flames and then just like that, everyone will be led out the door to the "resting" hall.

Then it just ends there. Like that. You don't see the person anymore or talk to the person anymore. Can't touch or hug or kiss. Nothing. You only think of the person until you dream of them. Otherwise, the oerson will appear in your dreams.

I miss both my grandmothers and I still cry.

And I am seriously very tired now.. I want to sleep....

It has been a long while since I last LJ-ed.

Will LJ soon, for old times sake and for myself to vent out frustrations.

Hah.

It sucks.

Always not satisfied or happy enough. But is it wrong to be like that? Feeling quite sad, moody, uneasy. Probably due to the rain. It has been raining since late afternoon! And it's dampening my spirits.

I feel so "argh" like there's a need to let out some sort of frustration.


I feel like beating someone up.

Bye.

lost.

Grandma Hardie has been gone for about 3 weeks now. I have so many things I want to talk about but have got no idea why nothing is coming out.. it seems like my left brain isn't working at all. Still I am going to try force something out that at least makes some sense.

My grandmother felt like her stomach was constantly bloated and felt uneasy ever since Christmas '08. So she went to visit the GP and was told to have indigestion. Gave her some medicines for her gastric and that's it. After a few weeks, completion of medicine, nothing seemed to have changed for the better. Bloated feeling and uneasiness still present and told grandma to go see a specialist to do some tests instead.

She went ahead with the advice and had to stay in the hospital and go through x-rays, ogd, blood tests, mri... The medical team found a bolus of no-idea-what in her intestine just through x-ray and did some regulated suctioning on her 24-7. She had a tube in her nose that went down her throat to get to that bolus. Left on for 24 hours but only gastric juice was being suctioned out, so no help. After the major test results were out, they found out that my grandma had cancer of the intestine... 4th stage because it had spread to parts of her liver.

Told her she had cancer of the intestine but not about the liver part. Cut the story short, she went for an op to remove whatever could be removed from the intestine. Went home to my aunt's place to recuperate on the 2nd or 3rd day of CNY. And she left us approximately a week later.

The day she died is the day she was to meet her oncologist to find out about her liver. The day she died was the day she was going to get a maid to take care of her. The day she died is the day I saw my brothers' cry. The day she died I still could not accept the fact that she was gone... because I had just spent time with her some 9 hours before... thus it was hard to accept.

Dad was in Italy when he received the news and had to fly back on the next flight. Came back to see my grandma, his mother lying in the coffin. He cried, we all cried.

Uncle who stays in UK had to book flight back for the wake and funeral. He could not take it and broke down. We all broke down.

Day my grandmother was going to be cremated. Is the day we all had to let her go. All of us cried really badly.. no one could take it. Not even my elder brother who was crying with sunglasses on (a bit shy ah..).

She was such a nice person, don't like to trouble anyone, loved us all.. always tell my brothers not to bully me.. sayang my brothers a lot also.. leg pain still go on trips with the church and tell them not to worry for her.. how not to love? how not to miss? how not to heart pain and cry?

Now she's resting in church, in the columbarium. Still a bit difficult to accept but I have to and know that she's happy and safe somewhere else above us.

I love you mama.

Don't know how exactly to start this particular post... straight to the point would be good I suppose...

My paternal grandmother had passed away exactly one week ago, last monday. And the last time I saw her was the day before.

Although grandma is not here physically, she'll always be in our hearts, in my heart. But I still miss her and it's still hard for me to accept her passing.

Have got no idea how to continue... and I'll miss her dearly.

I told Dilah I have got nothing to post about then she asked me to talk about my boyfriend. LOL.

Actually, I won't be talking about my boy because there's nothing much to talk about. Just that I love him like how you love your boy! Hahaha.

So, attachments has been pretty alright though a little tiring. Just three more days and I'd be done with the attachments! YESSSAHHHH! The thing is, even after the attachments end, I won't be having much peace. Cos the exams would jut be a stone's throw away which is damn bloody near. PLUS I haven't started studying! The only thing I did was to write up the answers for the questions given for ONE module. That is it. And I don't think any of those I wrote went into my head. Shit.

After the Lunar New Year which is also just right around the corner, I am going to mug like mad. I've got like approximately 5days to finish up 4 modules/6 books! BEHAVIOUR MOD IS THE KILLER- book is like... 3cm thick but contents are super killer-ish. Right, I will talk bout that when the time comes... pretty soon I reckon.

I don't exactly feel the stress right now. Maybe cos there's attachments and I myself am busy concentrating on finishing up the case study to be handed in on coming Monday. Case study still is lacking of certain details. I haven't got the medication list printed out. I haven't written up the care plans. I haven't done the pathophysiology of my patient. I WIL GET ALL THOSE DONE BY TOMORROW! Easy peasy... not very tough to do. One full hour of concentration is all that's needed to get those done.

I am not feeling stress but I am worried. I am quite worried about no having enough time to finish studying for the exams. But nothing is pushing me to study. I need to be alone to study. And home is not a very good place to be studying at because too many people lives in my house now. The only time I can study at home is when there is no one at home or when it is super late at night or when it's wayyyyy past midnight. Then I can fully concentrate! Quite effed up cos then I would disrupt my sleeping pattern. RAGH. I need to go to the library to study!

SINGAPORE HAS GOT NO SPACE/PLACE FOR PEOPLE TO STUDY AT. LIBRARIES ARE USUALLY FULL. THE NATIONAL LIBRARY(HAS NICE HUGE QUIET SPACES BUT ARE REFERENCE LIBRARIES AND NO OTHER DOCUMENTS EXCEPT BLANK PIECES OF PAPER ARE ALLOWED) IS A STUPID PLACE TO GO STUDY AT. THE SCHOOL LIBRARY... OUT OF THE QUESTION... SCHOOL IS JUST TOO FAR FOR ME.

Enough about studies. More about my personal life.

I have got NO LIFE man. All I do is go for attachments, come home sleep, wake up the next day go for attachments, come back sleep... and the routine goes on and on and on. OH but last week I went for tennis on Wednesday! (: What an accomplishment! Held the racket in my hands and it felt so weird but after hitting a few balls, I GOT BACK ON TRACK. It felt good man! But then I had a huge blister on my freaking thumb halfway through training. Pain like wanna die. AND IMAGINE RUBBING SALT ON AN OPEN WOUND! Oh yea it felt like that cos of my salty perspiration... hahaha.

I need to meet up with the bestfriends. COME MY HOUSE TO CHILL CAN! (: (: (: I miss you all man!

Ahh, okay, I must stop here already. I need to sleep. Church tomorrow morning.

Goodnight.








*and boyfriend, I love you.